HNT: Green Shoots

The New Year has brought green shoots of hope after a worrying Christmas as both patients are making good progress. I still feel unsettled but the New Year has also brought a little more of a normal routine with it and, without the burden of worry, I am enjoying the normal and everyday pleasures of simple task such as giving my shoes a good shine...



After a lay-off caused by pressure of work, general malaise and family illness, I am also back at the gym and enjoying it - especially as I have a few seasonal pounds to shed.

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We are suffering from a prolonged cold spell - the worst for decades. I have enjoyed some lovely crispy walks through the snow but it has made things difficult as far as travel. Hospital visits have been difficult and other plans are threatened. I am starting to yearn for the Spring, amongst other things...

HNT: Favourite

Lets end the year with a smile.

It has been the best and worst of years. Right now things are still very difficult as two of my immediate family are very ill; I am tired and unsettled and not really concentrating on the things that I ought to be getting one with. But then, at the same time, I have memories of some wonderful days and thoughts of other lovely days to come.

So.. before the favourite... here is a smile for you :-)


If you *click* on the photograph above you will see my favourite from the year.

I was in a red room with some lovely old mirrors - close enough to the sea to hear the waves crashing against the stones. The sea has always healed me. I was feeling good and enjoyed taking this photograph. I hope that you enjoy it - perhaps a room by the sea would be good for you as well? x

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Many thanks for the wishes and comments that I have received lately - I have simply not been able to acknowledge each one but they were most welcome :-)

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When I was a little boy, the capacity to connect closely with people seeped out of me. That does not mean that I am unfeeling; I think I have a big heart and an even bigger capacity to care.

Two of the people who are closest to me are, in their different ways, very ill. I worry about them and am feeling grim and sorry for myself - enough to make me feel a bit selfish when others are in so much more pain and anguish.

I left early for the hospital this afternoon and, overcoming obstacles, managed to reach my goal - the sea. I walked at the water's edge and pitched stones into the waves and would have shouted into the wind except for fear of upsetting the few other souls who braced the chilly beach.

I submerse myself in dark fantasies. I keep busy. I am chewed up inside.

My thoughts inevitably return to the beach where I found a small still pool of positivity.

When I was a little boy, my faith seeped out of me. I have no prayers; just a blind and dumb optimism.

I warm myself by a fire. I drink red wine.

I hope.

HNT: Three Wishes

Unusually for this region of Britain, we have had heavy and prolonged snow and so I have enjoyed some wonderful snowy walks on crisp sunny mornings, searching out virgin snow to make my mark and leave my trails.


This has been both uplifting and cheering and I certainly need both of these sensations at the moment. I have been feeling flat and empty and I cannot really see things improving in the short term. There is no magic wand to be waved. I simply grit my teeth and press on and look forwards to opportunities to get away for the day and recharge... and smile.

Three Christmas wishes...

I have surprised myself and taken the first wish for my own. I never wish for myself; only for other people - and this is goes as far back as childhood. I just feel that the time has finally come for a wish for myself.

I want to escape in my dreams. I seldom recall dreams and, when I do, I always seem to unconsciously introduce barriers to my happiness. A recent dream was an exception and I knew that, as I walked along the beach to a room by the sea that I was going to find happiness there. Even though I have no recall beyond that point, the certainty that I would be happy was enough to sustain me when I woke. I want to enjoy my dream life to the full with vivid kisses, caresses and loving...

My second wish is for my son. His illness spirals downwards and he says that he has had enough. I am scared. How I would gladly take all of his pain onto myself if only I could. I wish for him to be relieved of his terrible illness so that he can embrace life again.

My third and final wish is for you. I hope that your Christmas is bearable and that you can find some sort of contentment and shake off the darker days to find something to look forward to as the nights get shorter and the days - mercifully - longer. Take care xxx

There was no clickie with the photograph at the top of this post but, since you have been patient and read this to the end, there is something to unwrap here.... definitely not safe for work though ;-)




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HNT: The Tree

Illuminated tree, skin and glass:

*Click* on the image for another.

An evening alone has allowed me to join in this weeks theme. I thought that I would keep things simple but, if you want to see something or someone unwrapped by the tree then click here, bearing in mind that it is not safe for work.

HNT: Boxes

My life has been tidily compartmentalised; I suppose that it is a survival strategy learned in childhood and found to be convenient in adulthood. Pain, anger and even love can be put safely into a box and stored safely and tidily; out of sight and out of mind.

Some of these boxes seem to be made of a resilient stuff and withstand the buffeting and day-to-day wear and tear. Others seem to be more fragile and are scuffed. Worse. They threaten to allow their contents to spill out a little. Worse? Or might that be better? And what would happen if I started to prise open some of those boxes?

Here... take one... have a peep inside and tell me what you see...

If you *click* on the photograph you will find (yet) another from my recent hotel room series, rescued, as they say, from the cutting room floor.

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Taking my solitary walk down lanes of bare trees and berried hedges, my hand seeks another to hold...

HNT Hotel Smile

Here I am smiling in my hotel room. I turn the camera on my face and capture the smile. So what is going on here? Am I just feeling well disposed towards life? Have I enjoyed a good meal? Have I just kissed someone? Did somebody say something that amused me? Is it something to do with my netbook? There are so many possibilities...

But, of course, I am such a tease...

Which is why I'm not going to tell you...

But then, perhaps you know already ;-)



If you *click* on the image you will see another (and possibly the last) photograph from the hotel room. Beware - it is note safe for work.

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It has been a tough week in many ways. It has unsettled me, particularly as I am powerless to change most of the things that I have found irksome.

Yet... I am still smiling.

Now how can that be?